


I love you more games

by PseftisIncertus



Category: Phandom
Genre: After the world tour, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 11:05:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13122429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PseftisIncertus/pseuds/PseftisIncertus
Summary: Phil talks about his feelings and the one thing he regrets.





	I love you more games

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated for my two British dorks, I wanted to make a fluffy fanfic but guess I'm not really that good in that genre, I will work hard :)

Remember the 'I love you more games'?  
I guess I won . . . 

I never imagined where I would be right now . . .   
Nor did I dreamnt any of these things from happening . . . 

Years ago, we were just complete strangers who happen to find each other on the internet.  
I was what you'd like to call, "your youtube senpai" and you would proudly proclaim yourself as "phil trash no. 1". I'd laugh at the thought of it.

You were one of a kind.

When I first saw you, I never knew everything would fall in place.

All I remember seeing was a young boy who was excited and anxious at the thought of meeting his favorite youtuber. And I was in turn, nervous, not knowing how to act, as I never saw you as a fan but as someone I met online who I would now call, "a friend". 

After that meeting, who would have thought that we would be here now.

We had a tour, we had our own book, a radio show, millions of fans and us,

we had each other dan . . . 

We had everything.

I remember you saying how surreal everything was, how you can't believe these would happen.  
I was also amazed, "we did it together!" I proudly proclaimed. You smiled and said "yeah we did, but it was all thanks to you . . . " I smiled. 

I do remember seeing him grow. I was there in his lowest times, those times where he did not have an idea what to do with his life, when all he thought that he was useless and how low people would see him being a "college dropout"

I stood beside him and supported him in the choices he made.

I helped him out in every way that I can. I knew that he was more than what he thinks of himself. He is the amazing one.

The struggle he had to endure, and through it all, I was with him. 

I couldn't be more proud of what he is now.

More happier than ever, more energetic and most of all, proud of what he become.

Alot of people would point out, thanks to phil! Dan is what he is right now!

I smiled, but no one realized how I was also changed by dan. I use to be very shy but now I am confident and proud. Before I would just be silent and accept whatever people would say but now, dan would always be there to stand up for me. He would always make sure that I was relevant. That I was appreciated, and that alone, I was thankful.

We both were changed because of each others presence in our lives and we would forever be thankful.

Through it all, dan, I knew that I changed. I knew that the way I look at you when I first saw you is not the same way I look at you now.

I knew I was looking at someone I can't let go. Someone I would want to spend every minute of every day, just telling random stories and jokes. Someone I was very comfortable with. I love staying beside you dan. Its like where I was suppose to be.

You were my best friend.

Best friend . . . 

I looked at you again. I know, it was much more than that. 

Dan, I love you . . . 

I imagine saying those words and how It would be a feeling of euphoria if you said you love me too. But It was never that easy. Believe me when I say, I'm always thinking about how I could tell you, and how it could end up. 

So I did what I could and try to say those words in the things I do. The way I look at you, the way I cared for you, and our audience knew.

They saw through me and god, do I wish you get it too.  
But the world isn't that kind dan, it never were.

So for years I had to settle, and be the person you wanted me to be in your life. And honestly, I wanted more but, I would patiently wait. "we have our whole lives ahead of us dan!" I said lovingly

And that was when I knew the world isn't going to give you everything.

Its simple, you get something in exchange for the other. Becuase you can't have it all, right? This isn't a fairy tale. If it was, then I know you'll be my happy ending.

But dan, you see, that is not our case.

I always believed we were just one story. That I played a huge role in your life just as you did with mine. That there were no other characters but us, and that our ending would be just the two of us.

Now its clear to me, we were just a chapter of each others story. That once upon a time, I am your best friend and we did everything together, had a life together I never thought, at some point we had to do things separately. 

You were slipping away from me but I couldn't do anything. What would I possibly offer you that would make you change your mind. If I told you I love you, would you be happy? Would you be willing to venture into a relationship that some may disgaree?

Dan, when I say I love you and demand that you love me back, I was asking you to risk everything. And I was much of a coward to do that because what do I have that can be the replacement of your everything? "I will make you happy! I will love you always and forever!" but is that enough.

My heart was crumbling down and I don't know what to do. For once, I wanted to demand something for my own instead of being kind and giving everything away! I wanted to be selfish, I wanted you . . . 

But we can never control the wound we inflict to another. It was too late.

You were happy now. Much more than you were with me, and for the first time, it hurts to see you smile, to see you laugh 'coz I know its not for me.

And we can never be, more than friends and it hurts me everytime, I close my eyes, all I see is you.

but as the song goes "almost, almost is never enough, we were so close to being in love."

I had to give you up. It was a lost battle, you can't fight when your against all odds.

So there you are, dressed in a nice tuxedo, anxiosuly waiting for your bride.

And here I was, holding on to anything I could hold on to just to stop my heart from shattering to pieces. I was crumbling right infront of you dan, can you see? Maybe not, you look so happy.

The bridesmaid has walked the aisle and there, everyone looked at the girl wearing white. 

"she look so beautiful" you whispered. I never saw you look at anyone like that dan. You look lovingly at her and I look at you. You look so happy dan, so damn happy.

You took her hand, and led her infront of the priest, I had to step back and join the crowd. 

I wish I was her dan, I wish you would look at me that way too. I had you once, but I was afraid and so now I face the consequences.

"please take care of him" was the only thing on my mind. And so I walk away, trying to save myself and to keep the pieces of what was left of my heart.

All those things I did, was my way of telling you I love you, and silly enough you responded to them with your smiles, your jokes and your sweet gestures.

I called it our game of "I love you's" since I can't say it in words I'll show it thru my actions.

And this day, I guess I realize, I won, 'coz I loved you more.


End file.
